WAX TAILOR WE BE FEATURING URSULA RUCKER

We be...
We be...
We be...
Travellin' down the highway of the enemy...
We be...
Joinin' the endless convoy of cultural hegemony...
We be...
Missin' the forest for the trees 'cause...
We can't see the evils that men do
On TV, in the movies, overseas, and right here on our street...
We be...
Opting for vainglory over humility...
We need... We need...
To break the convoy line
Get the hell off the highway, take the road less travelled 'cause that moral fibber you thought was so tightly woven...
It's unravelling... It's unravelled...
I hate to tell ya'll, it's unravelled!

We be...
Say...
I'm standin' on my soapbox again... Say...
I'm one of those conscious artists talkin' that "change the world" shit again... Say...
I might be just a bit too dramatic/overzealous 'bout what I see as...
The human spirit's dive into uncertainty...
Say... What you like
Say... What you like...
'cause I'll be all those things you say... all night and all day...
Before I allow myself and soul... to whither away, into... indistinctness
Live a half-life of blissful ignorance
Never take another chance
Do the latest dance... with the devil...
And lose my dreams... for all we could be
Lose my dreams for all we could be... we be

We be... many
So many
Many... like the number of death threats Malcolm that used to get
We be... many... oh so many...
Many... like the multitudes of souls, lost... in the wars of men...
Over gold, over power, over god & hate
We be... many... so, so many...
Many... like the lies that pale the truth
The countless lies of prophets & power mongers... told...
To acquire faith, to steal land...to oppress people...
We be the oppressed peoples
We be
Why can't we be
Why can't we be more peaceful?
Why can't we be... nicer... to one another?
Why can't we be... we be... what we were meant to be... love...

We be...
We be...

http://youtu.be/L7vJ4FQAJxM

Nostalgia Kills

I feel like I'm perpetually looking at or living in the past. Forever yearning in a nostalgic haze for the kind of childhood friendship where you are "glued at the hip" with one-another.

But adulthood, responsibilty, and life get in the way now.

Abandonment & BPD

"Abandonment is a cumulative wound. It contains all of the disappointment, disconnection, rejection, heartache, self-doubt, self-frustration, and shame we’ve ever felt since childhood. Feeling rejected and cast off can thrust us into an emotional time warp, unleashing a torrent of emotion that seems all out of proportion to the actual event. These primal feelings form the basis of the molten lava that spews from the rock bottom of our emotional core to the freshly opened wound, volcanically consuming us in their power to entirely interrupt our lives, at least during the initial stages.

In borderline personality disorder (BPD), it takes a lesser event to trigger an equally painful emotional response, through no fault of the person suffering from this syndrome of emotional dysregulation. This hyper-reactivity is also a cornerstone of PTSD of Abandonment (a category which offers overlapping, alternative etiology and terminology). Borderline reactions are not voluntary, yet the sufferer wears guilt and shame for their emotional excessiveness. Those who’ve been through a painful breakup can truly appreciate the pain a Borderline must feel on a chronic basis.

Borderline is a disease of the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain, the part of the brain responsible for the Fight Flee Freeze response. In the Borderline the amygdala is set on overdrive, in a perpetual state of emergency, creating chronic hyper-vigilance and emotional hijacking."

Anger Management Issues

Ah, online personal blogs.... where you can write almost anything and have nothing to worry about, because no one's reading your crap anyway.

------------------------

I have an anger management problem, this manifests as snapping at people around me, not handling criticism very well, and just being unpleasant to be around at certain times. To be honest some part of me still tells myself that these issues are caused by the idiots around me, yet I should know that my emotions are my responsibility and whether I choose to show them is also my choice; how do I prevent what I can't control, sometimes what I can't see, when it happens?

It bothers me that I rarely see how aggrivated I get until later -if at all- and in the rare times I am aware of how I'm acting,  I usually describe it as watching from a 3rd person perspective. I know that I'm yelling, I know I'm arguing over something stupid or blowing it out of proportion, but I can't make myself stop. I feel justified in some way; I'd been wronged and needed justice.

My relationship can be stressful, because I'm almost always irritated about something, or wake up angry/annoyed. And my S.O. can only be so understanding, after putting up with me for close to 4 years now. Not to say that I don't put up with quirks in their behavior as well, but I'm obviously more explosive.

When I get like this, nothing calms me down, save for hitting something like a wall (I need to buy a punching bag). I have a past history of cutting myself as a bad coping mechanism, I don't anymore, but I do think about it.

Know that if it were up to me I'd show no emotion when I get irritated, but I know this is not a real solution, because I'd still get irritated by what people do.

How do you see your anger?

This makes me sad, because it all mostly sounds true.

I complain a lot. I know I do. And what's frustrating is that I grew up around a girl that use to complain all the time. I use to think she "wasn't happy unless she had something to complain about." Well now I'M that girl and it pisses me off.... is that irony? I don't know.

I hear or read about what people think of those of us with BPD, and it makes me sad... because it all mostly sounds true:

"People with BPD are needy and demanding and tend to be overly dramatic in expressing their needs. They have no problem expressing their needs, and do it regularly and often, and they do not realize that most of the time their reactions to perceived slights are inappropriate. And they tend to feel slighted in almost all relationships.

Because for borderlines, its all about them all the time. They demand love and attention, and feel intense emotion when they don't get what they want in relationships with other people. Being in relationship either as a friend, family member or romantic partner with someone who is borderline is exhausting and stress-filled. The borderline can go from expressing extreme despair to extreme fury in seconds, and blame everyone else for their problems.

These people are the perpetual "victim" all the time. Borderlines can be charming and sweet, but it soon turns ugly when you do or say something that they interpret as not giving them what they think they "deserve". This is why others feel they are manipulative. Unless a person who has borderline personality disorder successfully participates in psychological counseling, all their relationships will be unsatisfying to them and ultimately they will get what they fear the most --- abandonment by those they want to be close to. They drive people away. Borderlines are exhausting people who suck the joy and life out of almost every situation because of their desperate insecurities and focus on the self."

Whoever wrote this obviously has some strong feelings towards people with BPD, but I can sympathize. If I had to put up with someone like me, well, I probably wouldn't. My boyfriend is a saint, it seems. (Just don't tell him I said that.)

Though personally, I know I'm not as horrible as this person is describing. Oh sure, I've been there, I've acted like what he/she describes, but I've also become more aware of myself in the past couple years.

Every day is a fucking battle, and sure, some days I let the pain and anger and all that other nonsense win... but other days, I count it a victory if I'm able to function like a "normal" human being. My victories may look small or even mundane to others, but they aren't to me.

Alice

Remember, Remember, the 5th of November

Geeking Out

I feel the need to share these things and I get tired of posting on Facebook. Click on any images to enlarge.

1) Super Hero Cake

I WANT this cake! Anyone reading, feel free to make this for my 26th birthday
(November 12th... just in case). ;) I do feel like the Green Lantern needs to be shown on here some how though. It's just not right for the Emerald Knight to be missing...

2) Html Cake

Here's another geeky birthday cake I thought was pretty funny. I saw this awhile ago and have had the picture saved on my computer for awhile.

3) Lego Matrix

4) The Evolution of the Geek

Which Geek Are You?

5) Atari Wall Decals (ThinkGeek.com)

6) Lego USB Memory Brick (ThinkGeek.com)

You can even stack 'em :)

7) Crayon Executive Pen (ThinkGeek.com)

Ballpoint pen that looks like a giant crayon!

8) 8-Bit Hanger (ThinkGeek.com)

Bringing your 2D User Interface into the real world

9) Laser Guided Scissors




































10) His & Hers Chromosome Towels

Geeky Housewarming or Wedding Gift - Discount at ThinkGeek.com if you buy a set (in any combination)

11) World's First Robot Pop Star

For an article on it, click here

12) A Ring to Rule All Geeks


13) Geeking Out for Halloween






























14) Marvel Superheroes Re-Imagined in the World of TRON!

For more, go here.

Is Art Essential?

"See those people standing on the side of the road? The ones with the cardboard signs and are asking for spare change? Yeah, those people were Art majors."

That is what I was told by a friend when they first found out what I was in school for. Yes, it's still somewhat funny... I even retorted with, "Sure, but I'll have the best damn looking sign out there!"

I get tired of the pessimists though. Those that only think of practical solutions, instead of fulfilling their dreams. "Teacher" is an acceptable answer for the "What are you going to do with an Art degree?" question... by the way... in case you didn't know. See, the fact that you are even considering art as a career path worries the pessimists. Say that you are going to just BE an artist... well now... you might as well get use to your significant other having to take care of you for the rest of your life. There's no way you'd be able to become successful enough to support yourself, let alone a whole freakin' family!

It's true that many who try to break into the art world don't become as successful or famous as they may have dreamed, but isn't it better that they at least gave it a shot?

Now, there are people who ask about your career goal just genuinely wanting to know, but there are others who, even after giving them your (well rehearsed, lawyer-esque) closing statement... I mean, explanation, still believe your chosen path to be a waste of time and money - especially money.

As an artist, and a mediocre one at that, I will always believe art to be an essential part of life. Not just for myself, but for everyone around me. Everyone within our society, our culture.

(The following are a few of my own ideas and excerpts/thoughts from an article titled "Is Art Essential?" by Donald Harris:)

Art is not only everywhere, it also transcends time. "There is no geographical, ethic, or history boundary." Through art we understand the artist, we understand people, we start to understand our many differences.

Art often reflects the complexity that is within the human mind. Emotions are incredibly hard to understand or even describe. "Otherwise, it would be relatively simple to define love or passion, or hate, or anger, or contemplation, or happiness, or grief, or sorrow."

Emotions - a nonverbal form of communication. It can exist in works of art such as paintings, sculptures, music, or dance. Art also describes feelings in verbal communications such as theatre, poetry, or books. Our emotional life is the most uncontrolled or unpredictable, but clearly a part of our lives that informs our thoughts and actions as much as our intellect. "Art expresses the depth and variety or passions that are a fundamental part of our existence."

With the ability to express our inner desires or worries, in a visual form, we are capable of problem-solving. There are very few situations, experiences, or problems that only have a single solution (those exceptions being something like a mathematical equation).

Many non-artists, those that don't even doodle a little, probably can't grasp how much thought really goes into the creation of an art piece. Art is all about ideas... the rational activity of neurons lighting up in the brain to, in a sense, problem solve.

In works of art there are several outcomes available to the artist, each quite different to each other but still solid answers. Two painters can look at the exact same tree but interpret the surroundings, colors, and textures in completely different ways...

"Can we then conclude that art is essential? From a sociological or political standpoint, probably not. There are problems that are more urgent and compelling. We cannot expect from art that which it cannot promise or deliver, such as shelter for the homeless or jobs for the unemployed. On the other hand, is there something essential about the art that makes it compelling, worthy or our attention, fundamental to an understanding of ourselves and our fellow human being wherever they may be found on this earth, indispensable to our growth as educated and compassionate citizens, or a necessary component to the appreciation and enjoyment of historical achievements?"

Art can be seen as quintessential to an understanding of life in all of its diversity, richness, and depth.

Art teaches us that, in art and in life, there is more than one way to describe the same issue, equally revealing, equally compelling. It's another form of tolerance and understanding. Art is about making choices.

"Long hair is an unpardonable offense which should be punishable by death." ~ Steven Morrissey

Whether you're a shoulder-length conservative or you like to clip it back, hairstyles are something that change with the times. One year, it might be the "in thing" to wear braids or cornrows... the next, may be pony tails high on your head or some wildly teased hair from something out of a horror show. No matter what the style, one thing remains unchanged. People continue to wear styles pertinent to their time, their idea of what's "in," their likes and dislikes. We are a very eclectic, fussy bunch of hair types.

Usually, hairstyles are reflections of our personality. For example, in the 50s a "duck butt" hairstyle was popular, and "greasers" slicked back their hair for a rebel-like look. In the 90s, mohawks were the perfect additions to tattoos and piercings. In the 80s, a mullet seemed like a good idea... but today, they are only for hicks. Also in the 80s, girls wanted feathered hair (a la Farrah Fawcett from Charlie's Angels), and the big hairstyle was seen as overtly sexy for young girls. Today, there are emo kids who deliberately try to get their hair styled so that it looks like they randomly cut into it using kitchen scissors, and they dye their hair black. Hairstyles can help us achieve how we want to be perceived.

On the other hand, a bad haircut can actually directly affect our personality.

As for me, I know I prefer short hair. People can assume I'm gay, boyish, whatever... but I just say I'm me. It's more comfortable, easier to take care of, and I feel more like myself. For whatever reason I feel like I am trying to be someone I'm not when I have long hair. It's uncomfortable to me... inside and out.

Several friends have even said short hair suits me better. I like to be active and having hair whipping around my face displeases me.

All this post's really saying is... Yay for Short Hair! :o)

Fall: A Time of Reflection

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life

Is more than who we are

With the weather getting colder, I notice that I start to become more nostalgic. I look back to where I was in life and compare it to where I am now. It's a bittersweet feeling, as I imagine it often is for most.

Two years ago, around this time, I was just transferring to WOU as a Junior in the Art program. I was married. Excited for my new start as an art major at a new school. I had a husband who loved me and a dog that I adored. (Notice the wording of that previous sentence... if you read into it, it probably explains a bit of how I was back then.) I had a great life. A life that I'm sure some friends envied. I was only 23 years old, almost 24, and was married, lived in the hills of West Salem in a beautiful two story house. My husband and I would go on several mini-vacations through out the year and a big vacation during the summers. I had the life. The American dream for some. But alas, I was unhappy through it all. Why? Well, it's not something I feel the need to explain anymore. I'm not sure if I will ever fully understand it all myself.

Fast forward a year. I was 24, almost 25. I had separated from my husband in the Spring and was living with a friend. Over the summer the divorce was finalized. I had started dating a guy who I thought was great. The beginning of Fall term, my second year at WOU, was fast approaching. I was happier with my life. A fresh start I thought. A new beginning. Part way through Fall term the guy and I move in together. A different approach to exclusiveness for me, since marriage was the farthest thing from my mind. A taboo word for me even. We dated for 10 months, until the beginning of summer this year. Without going down a rabbit trail, we can just say he was not a good match for me.

Another new school year is approaching. I am still at WOU, still an art major. This time, however, I am going into this school year as a single woman. No attachments to any significant other. Not to mention I am also now living more on my own than I ever have before. It's a new feeling for me. Scares me, quite frankly. But it's also a good feeling. I am a serial monogamist. I go from one relationship to another with not much time in-between where I am actually single. No time to just be my own person. No chance to be my own person. Because I am a people pleaser when it comes to relationships. If there is a problem, I will change in order to fix it. Over the past few months I have realized this about myself and am in the process of actually standing up for myself and not being walked all over... but those of you who are similar probably can sympathize how difficult it is to change a part of your own personality, even if it is for the better.

Overall, I'm excited for this new school year. I am excited for what this new year will bring. I am terrified of being a responsible adult, but I think I'll be okay. I still have close friends and people who care about me.

But sometimes it's hard to be optimistic about certain life situations when all you truly want is to be accepted and loved by someone who you are also madly in love with. Is it really just a fairy tale? A hopeless romantic thought? Am I damned to repeat a cycle of "new beginnings" every Fall?

Theological Belligerence

The Christian minister who has ignited a media firestorm with his intention to commemorate the Sep. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks by burning copies of the Quran appeared on "Nightline" Tuesday (Sep. 7) to reassert his church's commitment to the plan.

Terry Jones, pastor of the Dove World Outreach Center, a small, evangelical church in Gainesville, Fla., said that he and his congregation will go forward with the proposed "International Burn a Koran Day" on Sep. 11, 2010, in spite of concerns from the government that the event could put troops in danger.

"It's something that we feel we need to do," Jones said. "It's a message that we feel we need to send."

The pastor stated that he and his congregation have received death threats and will be armed on the evening of the Quran burning. "We are definitely prepared to give our lives for this particular message and cause," he said.

Jones' plans have been met with harsh condemnation from U.S. government officials. General David Petraeus warned that the Taliban could use images of the church's Quran-burning rally to incite violence against U.S. troops in Afghanistan. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton echoed Petraeus' fears, adding that burning the Islamic holy book is a "disrespectful, disgraceful act."

"We understand that those concerns are valid," Jones said. "The question that we have is if we don't do it, when do we stop backing down?"

The Mindset of Incoming College Freshmen - Class of 2014

The mindset of incoming college freshmen changes every year... but here's a look at the graduating Class of 2014. Most born in 1992. I'm only 25. I know I'm young. But some things make me feel old. And this is one.

I personally ran into a "new Freshman" scenario earlier this summer. Upon getting into my car, she thought something was wrong... because I had to manually unlock the door. It's a basic car. No power windows/locks. Even after I explained, she still looked at me funny. And I'm not even that old! What the heck!

Click the link for the Mindset List for the Class of 2014:

http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2014.php

In the Mind of Mary - Please Wipe Your Feet

(Disclaimer: Some of this may sound conceited. I am just writing.)

* Compromise can't be all one-sided. If a man wants to be the proud possessor of the deep devotion and thrilling mystery that is me, he'll have to give a few inches too.

* I greatly admire honesty, but careless, thoughtless remarks can wound my unexpectedly vulnerable heart more than anyone can ever guess, because I keep the deepest hurt to myself, inside, where it won't show.

* If a man values my love, he'll never be careless of my feelings. For all my gentleness, my apparent poise and calm, sometimes when I am the most silent, the woman inside is screaming.

* As determinedly ruthless as I can be when I've really been hurt and feel compelled to teach the guilty a lesson they'll never forget, I can also be unbelievably loyal and fiercely protective of anyone who has ever been kind to me. I am a warm and loving friend, capable of intense devotion, who will still be there when the fair-weather friends have all flown the coop.

* I like to know things. A compulsion to probe the buried, the hidden and the mysterious, to ferret out secrets. "Curiousity" is too mild a word. Knowledge is power.

* I have a deep need to understand the world around me. I have high ideals and I have my eye on what's on the horizon. I look ahead, and at times can seem quite restless. I am proud of my knowledge and of my morals.

* I am a tolerant, adventurous, and curious person, and I want to see the best in people and in life.

* I can't deny that sometimes I still have yet to fully learn the lessons of freedom, optimism, daring and self-honesty.

Past and Future

I love looking through old photos. Sometimes you can ask family about those in picture, but sometimes it's also fun to stare into the frozen faces and wonder who they were, what were they thinking at that time, and (depending on how old the picture is) what they are up to now.

Old family pictures are what I love most. I have more somewhere, but for now here is what I have.

Arturo Quintanilla, Sr. - My Great Grandfather


Arturo Quintanilla, Jr. - My Grandfather (My Mother's Father)
I call this his "Ricky Ricardo" picture.

My Grandfather (second in from the right)
with his siblings, two are missing in this picture.

My Great Uncle Walter (17 yrs old) and My Grandmother Mary (12 yrs old) (My Mother's Uncle and Mother)

Grandma Mary is who I was named after. My first and middle name are hers.

Great Uncle Walt

Great Uncle Walter Lyon Chiene

Das kleine Mädchen

Ein kleines Mädchen is weinend.
sie schreit: "ich bin allein"
Schwach und müde, sie stolpert weiter.
Ein klägliches Dasein.

Spring & Summer Events in the Willamette Valley

Eugene Saturday Market in Eugene, OR
The oldest weekly open air crafts festival in the U.S. features handcrafted goods, food and music, rain or shine at 8th and Oak. 10am - 5pm
* Date: April 3, 2010 to November 13, 2010

McMenamins UFO Festival in McMinnville, OR
Come out for this festival that attracts over 5,000 visitors every year – enjoy an alien costume parade, live music by Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside, an alien costume ball and much more...
* Date: May 14, 2010 to May 15, 2010

Eugene Scottish Festival in Eugene, OR
Enjoy bagpipes, harps & championship fiddling. County dancers, clans, Scottish food & wares. Museum and gifts: 3060 River Rd 10am - 5pm.
* Date: May 15, 2010

Strawberry Festival in Lebanon, OR
Jr and Grand parades, open air country fair, world's largest strawberry shortcake.
* Date: June 3, 2010 to June 6, 2010

Wilsonville Festival of Arts in Wilsonville, OR
Celebrates visual, literary & performing arts. Colorful parade kick-off Saturday morning - free - with something for the whole family.
* Date: June 5, 2010 to June 6, 2010

2nd Annual West Bank Solstice Festival in Independence, OR
Local Oregonian artists and their works. Wine, music, food, summer begins, held in a beautiful park. What more could you ask for?
* Date: June 19, 2010

Salem World Beat Festival in Salem, OR
Travel the world at Riverfront Park in Salem. Dine, shop & watch breathtaking cultural performances in each of five World Villages. Join International folk dances, games & workshops at Oregon's premier international event. More than 125 performances, demonstrations and workshops in nine performance venues throughout the weekend, including costumed processions and Dragon Boat Races!
* Date: June 26, 2010 to June 27, 2010

4th of July Independence Days in Independence & Monmouth, OR (Inde-mouth)
Celebrate the 4th in Independence & Monmouth. Fireworks on 2 nights. Big parade July 4th. Vendors, family fun. $1 contribution suggested for fireworks.
* Date: July 2, 2010 to July 4, 2010

61st Annual Salem Art Fair & Festival in Salem, OR
200 artists from across the US and Canada. Live music and performances on two stages. Hands-on activities for kids, and much more!
* Date: July 16, 2010 to July 18, 2010

da Vinci Days Festival in Corvallis, OR
A three-day sensory experience inspired by Leonardo da Vinci, celebrating art, science, and technology. Where else can you find...art that makes you think, mini race cars built by school kids, a juggling physics lesson, a race of human powered all terrain vehicles, Grammy Award winning music, street performers, a community art project and sidewalk chalk art, food, beer, and wine, and the latest research in wave energy and other scientific breakthroughs… all in one place?
* Date: July 16, 2010 to July 18, 2010

Dallas Summerfest in Dallas, OR
A 4-day event that has something for everyone! The highlight is our parade on Saturday at 11AM. Food, Retail, Commercial & Art Booths Galore. Live Entertainment, Hydro Cart Races, Book Sale, Car Show, Art Show, Garden Tour.
* Date: July 29, 2010 to August 1, 2010

Polk County Fair in Rickreall, OR
Good old fashion County Fair, lots of family fun and entertainment. Beautiful Baby contest, tractor pulls, Youth Rodeo 4-H/FFA exhibits. Hours: Thurs. - Sat. 10:00am - 10:00pm, Sun. 10:00am - 6:00pm.
* Date: August 12, 2010 to August 15, 2010

Oregon State Fair in Salem, OR
Free entertainment, concerts and shows, carnival and rides, food and drinks, familyville, animal exhibits, Art exhibit, Artisans' Village, sports and recreation, science and technology, Oregon wine celebration, horse show events, rodeo finals and lots more.
* Date: August 27, 2010 to August 29, 2010

Artistic Quotes

"If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint."
~ Edward Hopper

"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it."
~ Salvador Dali

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see."
~ Edgar Degas

"Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish."
~ Michelangelo

"Colour is my day-long obsession, joy and torment."
~ Claude Monet

"I don't say everything, but I paint everything."
~ Pablo Picasso

"I begin with an idea and then it becomes something else."
~ Pablo Picasso

"Painting is just another way of keeping a diary."
~ Pablo Picasso

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."
~ Pablo Picasso

Death Plays Its Sweet Lullaby by Mary Schuck

Click to Enlarge the Image

"Death Plays Its Sweet Lullaby"
Drypoint Engraving - SP#2


A tribute to my friend, Mark Youngsma

Death Brings Reflection

Because of the recent suicide of a friend, I believe I randomly start crying... not just because I miss him... but also because I now feel the bitter pain, anger and saddness that I could have caused my family and friends almost a year ago.

Mark Kenneth Youngsma
03/27/1985 - 03/31/2010