Talking about the deeper meaning of life and death is still a taboo in American culture and many others. Even today, we still feel uncomfortable and awkward talking about these types of issues. Sex is not nearly as much of a taboo subject as it once was. In fact, no topic is held back from public display and discussion, except for death. Death is something we want to forget about. A 1991 Gallup poll showed that Americans almost never think of death, or think of it only occasionally.
Throughout the world, death and the rituals that surround it are steeped in taboos. Death is celebrated, embraced and feared. Around death and the dead, cultures put in place diverse restrictions and practices associated with clothing, food and ritual.
If death is such a commonality in life, then why do we not like to talk of it? Long hospital stays, in which independent decision-making and privacy are reduced, are seen as a loss of dignity. Additionally there comes a social loss, which also first has to be coped with. Also important is the religious philosophical attitude of the afflicted. The worry about surviving dependents and not yet finished things pose an added burden.
The conflict about dying is an ongoing process in which feelings such as fear, depression and anger are "normal", calling for different adaptation and defense mechanisms at different times.
Today, even getting old is seen as a disease and is also, like death, becoming a taboo. Not just for women, however, but for an increasing number of men as well. The word taboo conveys the fear and the threat of social rejection. An aging body may be perceived as impure/deteriorated, no longer deserving any social worth, and even attention. In high-income countries, aging is increasingly deprived of value, although with a milder slope for men in comparison to women, and for the rich in comparison to the poor. The taboo is therefore associated with social discrimination.
In an article titled Is Looking Your Age Now Taboo? by Natasha Singer, she talks with Susan Burke, a woman who recently turned 50 and is feeling the pressure of needing to do something about the wrinkles she now sees in the mirror. Though the number of Americans who regularly have cosmetic facial injections is estimated to be only about one million, the mere availability of the procedures has heightened the pressure on women over 30 to consider a level of intervention that until recently was embraced only by the famous or the rich.
“Women have always been under pressure to look good, but that has increased recently because we have become so used to seeing perfect, unwrinkled faces,” Ms. Burke said. “Now when you see someone who looks like a raisin or a prune, it seems so unusual that you are almost repulsed.”
There was a time when mothers made it taboo for their children to attempt anything that did not fit their age; for example, girls were forbidden to use cosmetics till quite late in their lives and strict curfews were given to boys until they were deemed mature enough to stay out later. These are just a couple of things that parents kept strictly under their control, and their duty as parents generally involved preserving their child’s innocence for as long as they could. As they grew older, children got to taste the new experiences that come with age and learned to savor and appreciate them. Unfortunately, in the nauseating society we live in today, the lines have been blurred between children and adults.
Our celebrities of Hollywood are just one, but a major, example of what causes this blur. We are all exposed to what is supposed to be beauty perfected. However, even if we are not swayed by the Barbie and Ken doll figures we see before us, others around us are and we begin to feel the pressures to fit in.
As Jacqueline Bailey, a friend of mine, counted the wrinkles on her face, she said she realized that she knows them. “I can trace each one, remember which situations and which people caused them to exist. Some memories are painful – there are new lines that softly cross my forehead…” Bailey states. “But some are quite wonderful – my laugh lines have deepened, now that I have rediscovered the importance of laughter and nurturing friendships…”
I believe that Bailey puts it best by saying, “These lines are mine. I know where each and every one came from. I own them. And I've earned them. And why would I want to erase my life from my face?”
Why, indeed? Why are we all hung up on what we look like? Unfortunately we live in a society that puts the taut and smooth surfaces of youth on a pedestal, and for many like Susan Burke and Jacqueline Bailey, their faces are ones that are recognized as lined and aging. Is lined and aging a bad thing? Not in my opinion. As the saying goes, “with age comes wisdom.” If we hide our age, then are we hiding our wisdom? Why would we want to appear more ignorant than we are? Or perhaps, for many, it is because we are so ignorant that we hide the wrinkles.
